Make good boundaries your goal. They are your right, your responsibility.

Elaine N. Aron, Author of
The Highly Sensitive Person:
How to Thrive When the
World Overwhelms You

How to Not Be a Victim!

In honor of Valentines Day, I Declare February 2023 as
“How to Not Be a Victim in Your Relationships” Month!

I recently had a difficult experience with some strong negative energy from a person we know. My wife Angela said, isn’t that interesting, have you ever noticed that we often get into fights together after we talk to this person? I realized Angela was right.

So I decided to look at it energetically. I saw an inflamed brownish red energy, vibrating with the message “I am a victim” coming strongly (channeled) through this person’s aura. It was a very angry energy, insisting she was the victim, while at the same time blaming and striking out at (punishing) other people in ways that were actually harming them.

Of course, she was completely unconscious of the fact that she was doing to others the very thing she “believed” others were doing to her. It was the worldview of the righteous victim: I am good and great, but I am suffering here because of you. You are evil, and you are the reason I feel so miserable. Therefore I am justified in attacking you.

It’s Everywhere!

Have you noticed that this energy of being the victim is huge on the planet? Its everywhere! It runs in (ruins) everything from relationships to politics.

It is very tempting and easy to blame others for how badly we feel inside ourselves. In fact for many people, it actually hurts too much to look inside. There literally are biological safety mechanisms in our psyches that direct us to look for the cause of our pain and suffering “out there.”

But our spiritual power isn’t outside somewhere, it’s inside us. When we blame others, we project our personal power onto the outside world, actually giving our power away to others. And then indeed we do become the victim, but only because we have made our own self powerless!

Seeing the victim energy from this person, and validating my own body for how difficult this negative energy felt inside me, I suddenly become curious: why I was feeling so powerless and angry with her? It was as if I had caught a victim “virus” from her, and now I was also infected with it – feeling angry at her and blaming her for ruining my day.

It Takes Two to Tango!

I then saw that I had places in my own space, especially around the right side of my body near my fourth and fifth chakras, with my own unconscious beliefs that I was a victim. (As an interesting side note, these were the exact same locations in my body where I had recently been having some mysterious physical pain.)

In other words, the victim energy from this angry person, actually had a place to land in me. Its similar to the way that actual viruses infiltrate our cells. They match the receptor sites already there on the surface of the cell membrane to get a foothold into the cell.

In the psychic world, we call this a “matching picture.” When I get triggered like this, this is a great gift, because I can now become aware of my own matching picture. And by becoming more conscious, I can now change my space (and not be such a victim). Notice that if I did not have a matching “receptor” in me already, the victim energy might have simply passed through me – and I would have felt more neutral or even amused with the energy.

And then just like that, I suddenly knew how to protect myself. I could now have some boundaries. I did not have to throw negative energy back at her. I felt warmth and gratitude in my heart, and I sincerely wanted the highest good for her as much as she could have it.

I felt an amazing amount of compassion for the plight of this person, and now I could clearly see the extent of her own deep pain and suffering. And just a minute ago, I had felt so angry with her and was blaming her for my own misery! But now, it all felt like a great gift!

How to Not Be a Victim in Your Relationships!

In February’s two Thursday night workshops, we will continue to discover and release our own unconscious beliefs about being a powerless victim. And in honor of Valentines Day, we will focus on not being a victim in our relationships. Is there anything in your relationship – or even your ability to have a relationship – that you feel like a victim about?

On Thursday, February 2, we will play with becoming more aware of our past life traumas and beliefs around being a victim. And on Thursday, February 16, we will look at the unique traumas and programming from our early lives that has contributed to feeling powerless as adults. Remember, simple awareness is critical to – and probably 90% of – your ability to change.

It sounds crazy, but it can be fun and easy to discover your own spiritual power –to take back the responsibility for your own energy and your own happiness. And obviously, much more fun than staying a victim!

May you, and everyone you encounter, be blessed.


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